Saturday, October 23, 2010

Chapter 33: Out on My Own

I didn’t have a lot of attachment to the people at my school, so leaving wasn’t much of an emotional affair. My two friends had their lives mapped out before them already, so they knew they needed to move on. I promised to keep in touch. We hugged and talked about a few memories and looked forward to the future.

Brittany was another matter. She would be attending college a thousand miles away from me. Miss Samantha was pushing for me to go to an advanced etiquette class for proper ladies. It was difficult to get into and expensive. It was the type of place that heads of state sent their daughters to as a finishing stage before they got married.

I, however, wanted to attend cooking school. I knew regular college would be a tough sell to my mother, so I figured that would be a good compromise. She agreed, but I had one more condition for her. I would be attending school as Chris. She looked pained, but knew that I was an adult now and needed to make my own decisions. The only stipulation was that I still had to wear my chastity tube until I got married.

I agreed, and Brittany and I said a long goodbye. I had known no girl other than the taste of her pussy, and the soft warmth of her friendship. At first we kept in constant contact, but eventually the distance drove us apart. It just wasn’t the same for her to control me when she really never saw me. She was in college and was experiencing new things, and probably didn’t want to be bothered thinking of assignments for me to do for release.

One day in the mail I received a package from her. Inside was a key attached to a piece of paper on which was written the words “Go nuts!”

I didn’t know how I felt at that moment. This was the moment I had dreamt about for the past eight years, and now I felt like a dog with a leash whose owner just let go and walked off in the other direction. I could tell by her brief note that she was a different person in a different world, having too much fun to write anything meaningful. A few tears dripped down my face, and I put the key in the drawer.

A few days later, I took my chastity tube off, and it felt strange that I was doing it myself. I still wore it from time to time, seeing how long I could go and worshipping a pair of Brittany’s panties she gave me before she left for college. One day the panties didn’t seem to hold any meaning. It’s like they lost their magic. I folded them up and put them in my drawer, and my chastity tube was soon to follow.

Cooking school took up a lot of time, and I spent most of it as Chris. It was weird becoming that person again after I had spent over ten years as Audrey. In reality I would always be Audrey now. There was some window I missed back then that made me very sensitive and effeminate. I really didn’t get along with most of the guys, who wanted to pound beers and smoke cigarettes after class, but I did get along fabulously with all of the girls. I was their best girlfriend, and they would always make statements like, “I wish my boyfriend was as understanding as you.”

Although I was still Audrey inside, I had little time to dress as her. Every now and then, I’d spend my Friday night in my nightie, painting my nails and relaxing, but making the switch was just too much when I was tired from working all day. I still wore panties and shaved my legs, and my nails were always manicured. There were things in me that were never going to change.

I found myself masturbating all the time now to femdom porn. I felt like such a sloth. I did have a few relationships with some girls, but they never worked out. If I acted normally, things went fine, but I wasn’t getting a lot out of being a charming date at dinner, then coming back to my place to have safe, ordinary sex. I had been conditioned to like something else, and it was useless denying it. Imagine telling the girl you are dating, “I really like you, but I was kind of hoping I could wear a dress and kiss your feet for hours tonight, while you keep me locked up in a chastity tube.” You can see my problem and see why a relationship never worked for me.

After I completed school, I found a job and an apartment in the dirty part of the city. Existence wasn’t horrible, but I was a bit lonely. I just worked six days a week, and came home to a vacant apartment. The door would squeak open and I was greeted by a silence that told me something was missing.

One day, the phone rang. It heard the voice, but I couldn’t immediately be sure it was Brittany. My heart leaped at the sound of her voice, but it was also hurt. I wondered why she was calling me after all this time. She sounded so happy on the other end of the line, it melted my heart. I tried to act distant, but I couldn’t contain the thrill that I felt in that moment. She wanted to know if I would visit her. She would even send me a plane ticket. Who was I kidding? I would never say no to her. I accepted her invitation and went out to see her. What did I have to lose?

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